Clay Mercer on the web...

I have to say that, as a humor writer, the subject of 'government' is a fertile field indeed.  It's a gift that just keeps on giving. 

I hope  you enjoy.  

Life, Liberty, and……

There is a widely accepted concept that governments exist to do things for the citizenry that the citizens can’t do for themselves.  In my experience, that mostly boils down to spending money like a junkie with a stolen credit card.

Let’s talk about the highways for a few minutes.

Six years ago the Department of Transportation began a five year project to ‘improve’ the overpasses and entrance and exit ramps at exits 109 and 112 right here in Dooly County.  They’re still working on the project at exit 112.  Right.

I’m not sure if the Georgia DOT was involved or not, but if they were, my advice to them is to keep quiet about it and blame it all on those rascals in Washington, D. C.

At exit 109, they wound up installing not one, but two sets of traffic signals (along with the ‘don’t run the red light’ cameras) in order to handle the massive flow of traffic through that exit.

Granted, something did need to be done, because some idiot decided to build a truck stop/convenience store/McDonald’s restaurant on the east side of I-75.  This increased the semi-truck traffic on that exit and, since some truck drivers lack such basic skills as turning left and turning right, almost immediately the guard rails on both sides of the interstate were flattened.

Instead of just widening the overpass, which did need to be done, the DOT widened it, made the ramps bigger, longer, and taller, and, in the process, managed to move about a million cubic yards of fill dirt.

They rearranged the surrounding access roads to the point that the locals became so confused that the Baptists started speaking to one another in the liquor store.

The DOT also changed a relatively simple entrance into the truck stop (et al) into something that looks like a ride at Six Flags Over Georgia and built a border/retaining wall that ten Mexicans couldn’t scale if you gave them a six foot ladder and ten minute head start.

In the meantime, up at exit 112, the DOT had moved approximately FIVE MILLION cubic yards of fill dirt, in the process building a ‘pond’ big enough and deep enough to submerge a Nautilus class submarine and changing the highest point in Dooly County from Rabbit Ridge hill to the southbound exit ramp at exit 112.

I had to update the maps in my TomTom GPS unit to get the proper layout installed, but ol’ Tom still starts stuttering every time I drive through there.  I finally just disabled the sound function altogether.  It was either that or send ol’ Tom for a full-scale psychiatric evaluation and therapy.

Meanwhile the Dooly County Public Works has been screwing up the roads that even the Georgia DOT won’t touch.

Take Noble Gin Road, for instance.  Six miles long, or so, it intersects with nine other roads, including two state highways.  There are thirteen residences on Noble Gin Road along with a farm headquarters, a knife factory, a cotton warehouse, the Mid-South farmers co-op, a peanut drying shed, a church, and a grain storage facility.

Noble Gin Road gets a lot of traffic, in other words.  If there’s a road in Dooly County more in need of resurfacing, I don’t know where it is.  And if there is, I don’t care.  In fact, I doubt that any of us that are wearing out the shocks and suspensions on our vehicles just driving on Noble Gin Road care.

What did the Dooly County Public Works department do?  Why they painted brand new yellow lines in the middle (more or less) of Noble Gin Road and then installed those yellow reflectors, as if we, the residents, would applaud those improvements and think we had a new road.  Ain’t happening.

But, guess what?  It’s not because the Dooly County Public Works can’t properly asphalt a road that caused them to ignore the deficits of the surface of Noble Gin Road.  Oh, no.

Just six miles away there’s another road, also about six miles long.  It intersects with three roads, one of which is a dirt road, and has one house and one church, but no businesses, farm headquarters, or other high traffic establishments located on it.

It also has a brand-new asphalt surface that smoother than a used car salesman trying to unload a creampuff Corvette on a college boy with a two-comma trust fund.

I’d be a might ticked off about this, but I know for a fact that Dooly County spends my tax money on the Recreation Department.  At least there’s that.